


mismatched pieces

by hollyhock (Hiragi_Houx)



Category: Battle B-Daman
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Moral Dilemmas, One-Sided Relationship, Sibling Incest, Unintentional Emotional Manipulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26781328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiragi_Houx/pseuds/hollyhock
Summary: Wen never wants to be separated from Li, and if that means having to pretend he feels things he doesn't, he will.
Relationships: Li Yong Fa/Wen Yong Fa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	mismatched pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags, please.  
> NGL this whole things was inspired from me reading a (much happier and positive) doujinshi and the way I mentally translated one of the lines while reading led me to write all of this.

Wen has ever-longed to be the greatest big brother the world has ever seen, his desire to do anything and everything to take care of Li and keep him safe motivating him his entire life. He would never do anything to hurt him, never on purpose would he want to be the cause of Li’s dismay or torment.

So when, one day, Li approaches him in their shared room, looking more nervous and afraid than Wen had ever seen, he vows to soothe whatever is making him feel that way. When Li’s voice comes out, shaky and breathless in a small gasp that sounds very much like _‘I love you’_ , Wen pushes past his shock, pushes past everything he truly feels and believes, and says in turn—

“I love you too, Li.”

Of course, he _does_ love him. He loves him as any big brother would their little brother… but he knows that is not the love Li is speaking of. He knows in his heart he should discourage this— they are brothers for B-damage’s sake, they cannot do this!— but he fears more than anything how Li would handle the rejection of something that he looked so unbelievably terrified to admit in the first place.

Li has never shown his emotions as openly as Wen has, and since those first few years in the Alliance, he had never seen Li show himself to be scared even once. But his face in those moments… He looked more terrified than Wen had ever seen, even back when they lived on the streets in Laiken, even back when they were new recruits and Ababa pushed them so hard that their muscles simply gave in some days.

He knows what Li knows he is risking by admitting something like this, and even though Wen would always love and be there for his brother, no matter how Li felt for him, he felt in his gut that Li could never accept that. If he turns Li’s feelings away… he would see it as Wen rejecting him in his entirety. He wouldn’t be able to face Wen, he would leave him.

Wen can’t lose Li, so if it means lying to them both about how he feels, he will simply knuckle down and accept it.

———

After training one day, when it is just the two of them left in the training hall, Li approaches him quietly, face tinged red. Wen’s eyebrows raise and in the next moment there is softness against his lips and he gasps in surprise.

That was the first time Li ever kissed him. 

He looks up at Wen, every bit as nervous as the day of his confession, and fiddles with his sleeve. “I-I’m sorry, I should have asked first if it was okay…”

Wen is speechless for a few moments, hand over his mouth. His mind races to catch up to the present, skipping over how he mourns the loss of his first kiss in such a way, and then his hand is gone and he is forcing a smile.

“Nah, don’t worry about it!” He says, big goofy grin on his face as always. Never before has his talent of faking those smiles been so handy as it is now. “It’s something I’ll have to get used to, right?”

Li smiles shyly and nods his head. “Yes, Brother, of course. I will make sure to ask next time, though.”

Wen gives him a small hug, holding him close as he shuts his eyes and tries to think how he will deal with this going forward.

When he leaves the room on his own, Li staying behind to clean up their battlefield, he sees Enjyu leaning against the wall outside. He tries to ignore him as he passes by, blood pounding in his head as he prays, hopes—

“You’re disgusting.” Enjyu says, crushing those hopes.

———

Wen finds himself staring after Gray more and more often lately. He can’t help it, Gray is pretty, and Wen is a growing boy with hormones he can barely control. He wants to run his fingers through that golden hair and feel those soft-looking pale lips against his. His mind runs further with fantasies and his cheeks begin to burn.

“Brother…” Comes a voice from beside him, sounding crushed— defeated.

Wen snaps out of his stupor as he looks down at Li, looking every bit as put-out as he sounds.

“O-oh, I…”

“You like him, don’t you?” Li asks softly, head down.

Yes.

“No.”

Li looks up, hope in his wide, murky eyes. “Really?”

The fake smile returns and Wen wonders if Li will ever be able to tell that he’s been lying to him all this time. “Of course! You…” He nearly chokes on his words. It is never easy to say things he doesn’t believe in. “You’re the only one for me.”

Li smiles at him as radiant as the sun, and Wen’s chest tightens painfully. How long, he wonders, can this continue.

———

Wen knows he needs to put an end to it, but he just can’t bring himself to. Still entrapped by the fear that Li will leave him forever, their bond shattered and irreparable. He knows that he should not set this example for him, that he should be stronger, that he should say it time and time again that he will always be by Li’s side, even if their feelings aren’t the same… but he can’t bring himself to say it.

His only solace is that Li is young, that he doesn’t truly understand what he wants. (Even though Li has shown him so many times that his maturity often surpasses Wen’s own, and that he understands himself and the people around him better than anyone else he knows). He holds very tightly onto the hope that Li will find someone of his own— someone that isn’t Wen— and realize that what it is they have was just him being confused.

Wen can pretend then, he can act like he is disappointed, but supportive of him. Then when all is said and done, Wen can find someone of his own too. Maybe Gray would actually… No, he doesn’t want to think about Gray right now. Gray has become quite close with the target Ababa has sent him after and it leaves a horrible feeling in his gut that he’s missed his chance.

He thinks of Enjyu, then, but his mind drifts back to that day outside the training hall, of the repulsed look in Enjyu’s eyes. Oh how he wants to tell him it isn’t what he thinks it is, but he knows Enjyu would tell. He can’t trust him as far as he can throw him, so he simply must live with the fact Enjyu sees him as filth.

The way Wen sees himself for allowing all of this to happen.

———

It is several months later when Wen is crouched on the ground, gripping his arm as Li looks down at him in scorn. He struggles to believe or accept what’s happening as he looks up at Enjyu stood tall by his brother’s side.

It hurts more than anything; to be looked down upon and teamed up against by the one who put him through all of this and the one who has never looked at him the same since. Tears well up in his eyes even as he tries to fight them back.

Li’s voice comes out as a poisonous hiss, “We’re through, Wen.”

And then he is walking away and the tears fall freely as Wen sobs into the dirt, reality crashing down on him as he realizes nothing he ever did or could do would be enough. He thinks of the passing months, of the lost opportunities, of the way Enjyu stares him down whenever he sees him, and most of all he thinks of how easily Li threw him away.

He can’t even savor in the fact that, with their distorted relationship no looming over him, he is free.

Freedom where he is alone means nothing.

———

When the world is saved and the two return to Laiken, they spend the day together saying nothing, and spend the evening together by the riverside. The setting of the sun casts the village and mountains in an orange hue, and for once, Wen feels relaxed.

“Brother,” Li pipes up out of nowhere.

Wen turns to see the look on his brother’s face, shame and guilt all come together as one.

“What’s up, Li?” He asks softly. They hadn’t yet had a chance to discuss… them.

“I’m sorry.” He says, to Wen’s surprise. “Enjyu asked intrusive questions and… I felt it only right to answer, with how he had bared his heart to me.”

“O-oh…” Wen stutters out. Now Enjyu for sure knows about their taboo relationship— whether it’s still there or not, Wen cannot tell anymore, not in light of everything he knows now.

“He got me thinking and… you never felt the same way about me, did you?” He asks, looking up into Wen’s crimson eyes.

Wen’s mouth opens and shuts as he tries to think of what to say. How can he just admit to Li about the lies, the pretending, all of the things he faked just to see him happy?

“It’s okay, Brother.” Li assures, and the small smile on his face lets Wen think that maybe it actually is okay. “I know what we had wasn’t… typical. I know we would have had to hide it forever, even from Yamato and the others. That’s why… I’m fine with us not being together.”

“L-Li, hey, wait—” Wen sputters, reaching out for his small, thin shoulder. He doesn’t know why he is so startled, isn’t this what he wanted?

“Maybe I really do just have it confused.” Li admits, shutting his eyes. “You were always the only one that ever cared for me, and maybe I mistook that affection for something deeper—”

“Hey! The way I love you is deeper than any kind of lover or spouse.” Wen argues, turning to face his brother directly. “Li, I might not be _in_ love with you, but I love you all the same. You’re like a piece of me I can’t live without, I’m just… not me, without you.” He breathes, arms trembling as he holds tightly onto Li’s shoulders. “That’s why I pretended. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Brother…” Li brings up a loose sleeve to rub at his eyes. “I’m sorry for putting you through all this.”

Wen pulls his brother in close, holding him in an embrace reminiscent of when they were children, just poor lost souls huddled together in an alleyway with naught but each other.

“Don’t apologize, Li.” He assures, a hand gently carding through his hair. “I’ll always be your big brother, no matter what. I’ll always be here for you. No boyfriend or girlfriend could ever replace my one and only little brother.”

He can’t see it, but despite the wetness from his tears, he can feel when Li smiles against him.


End file.
